Well, in today's, Thursday Short, I break all of them.
Based on an event that took place, coming home on a bus in which the driver stopped the bus and appeared to be having some sort of breakdown, I describe what could have happened the morning he left home before driving the bus.
By Fran Clark
Every morning, at 6.30am, the alarm rings. Lily gets out of bed and heads for the shower and George sleeps on for an extra ten minutes. He hits the snooze button, slips his feet into his slippers and goes downstairs to make freshly-brewed coffee and toast.
When Lily comes to the kitchen to join George they usually talk about their plans for the day, decide who is doing dinner and what they will eat when they see the other that evening at 7pm.
“George, what are you doing? Where's breakfast? Why are you holding a golf club?”
“Do you know, it's absolutely impossible to get rid of a dog. I left the front door open and told him to run, get lost. He went to the lamp post, had a slash and now he's sniffing around outside.”
“But, breakfast, George. Look, I'll make it. You let Bonzo back in and go up and take a shower.”
“I'm a cat person. I always wanted a cat. I don't even like dogs.”
“Maybe you should have today off, George. Would you like me to bring you something up? I can call the depot and say you're not well.”
“Lily, you can call the depot and tell them I've got the two bob bits for all I care. I'm playing golf today and I won't be talked down.”
“Darling, I have no intention of talking you down. Are you sure you're alright?”
“How can we ever be sure of anything? Life is just a bowl of cherries. Unfortunately someone ate all the flesh off mine and all I'm left with are the stones.” He laughed and shook his head. “Yep. Just. The. Fuck. Ing. Stones.” With each word he swiped the air with his golf club. The last swipe caught the edge of a vase which came crashing to the floor.
“George, your mother gave us that!”
“My mother is a two-faced, bitch. Lies get you no-where and what the hell is all that scratching at the door?”
“It's Bonzo. Shall I let him in?”
“Today, I'll build a dog flap. I'll need to take the front door off its hinges. May get a bit draughty in here but a little fresh air never hurt anyone.”
“Ok, that's fine, dear. You were excellent when the sink was blocked so you'll be great at carving a great big square into the woodwork. Bonzo is such a big dog.”
“Look, forget the dog flap. Let's just get rid of the dog. I better get dressed. I've got a bus to drive.”
“Well, if you're sure, George. But I think maybe you should take the day off.”
“Will you just shut your big fat trap for once in your life?” George leant the golf club up against the table as Lily stared at him, open-mouthed. “No. I'll be fine. The travellers on the 195 will be in good hands today. I think today will be a good one. The best.”